"Did you have fun with your partner?" she whispered with a sneer to the girl in the seat next to her. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, because the comment wasn't meant for me to hear.
Shala just looked at her and shrugged her shoulders. She really didn't know what to say. It never occurred to her to be upset about her partner, or make fun of him. And that is exactly why I put her with that student. I knew that she would treat him with kindness and respect. She would help him stay on track and both of them would successfully complete the assignment.
The students in Reading Workshop had been working on a letter writing project. I wanted them to take a couple of minutes with a peer to discuss their letter--how they organized it, what was going well, and what parts of the project needed help. I chose a partner for each student, forming teams that would succeed. This is something we do frequently, and students are used to working with many different peers throughout the year.
This comment has banged around in my head ever since I heard it. I keep thinking about the connotation behind, did you have fun with your partner. This sneaky form of bullying, trying to get a classmate to join in ridiculing a student is what makes school so difficult for so many students.
I'm not really sure which student I feel most sorry for--the boy being laughed at, or the girl that feels the need to be so mean. The boy is a bit of a social outcast. Unfortunately, he irritates peers and causes them to loose patience with him. He also tries to gain attention too often by acting out and saying things to set himself apart. He isn't mean, but he does act that way sometimes when he gets picked on.
The big question to me is why the girl feels the need to be so mean. She is no stranger to trouble, and I am sure teachers have talked to her about this behavior before. Yet she continues to be hurtful, even enlisting a student like Shala who would not act this way under any circumstance. Will she ever figure out that actions like this, and the negative attitude behind it will create problems until she finds the strength to be a stronger and kinder person?
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2 comments:
The chances the "mean girl" will change is probably pretty small. All you have to do is observe adults behavior. Even in public adults are boorish and mean (and have you ever read comments on a newspaper article?)
I suspect she has had this behavior modeled to her, that is very powerful learning but can also be negative and destructive. She probably needs the same type of love and respect her targets need.
Thank you for the comment. I think the only hope for change is to bring the problem to light and talk about how to improve.
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