Revising Poems

So you get a first draft of a poem and it seems pretty good.  Now what?  Is it ready to publish?  Everything is spelled right.  It makes sense.  So how do you revise?  How do you make it better?  What can you do with a basic poem like this, that has a good topic choice with a nice twist at the end and make it into an A+ poem?

Thank you to Maddie for allowing us to experiment with her writing.

That one kid makes me sad,                              

That one kid makes me mad.

When I see him I just go Eww!!!!

I don’t like him,

He doesn’t like me.

We fight all the time.

She started it!

No he started it!!

He makes me go crazy,

I make him flip out.

But the truth is………

He’s my brother.

One area that could be improved is word choice. The Reading Workshop Poetry Rubric says, Word choice is exact, colorful, and interesting. What words could be changed to improve this poem?  Is there a synonym for sad that would be more interesting? Or mad? Or doesn't like?

We could also look at improving and adding sensory details like the rubric describes as, Uses sensory details to help the reader see, hear, feel, and/or think.  What could be changed to help what the reader visualizes?  Could the "one kid" be described in some way?   What changes would help the reader see the fight?

The rubric also says, A natural rhythm and structure. Is there a way to put this into stanzas that would improve how it flows and sounds to the reader?

Regarding effort, reflects the effort to create a special piece of writing. What could be added to build this into a more meaningful poem?



You can see the revised poems HERE.

Poetry Rubric

The Reading Workshop Poetry Rubric

Component	4/A	3/B	2/ C	1/D
Rhythm, Form Structure, Organization	Creatively uses poetic form. A natural rhythm and structure.	Structure and rhythm seem natural to the reader.	Structure and rhythm need revised for better understanding.	Unorganized structure and rhythm.
Content, Impact	The purpose of the poem is evident leading to a natural conclusion. The poem engages the reader.	Poem is developed with content that engages the reader.	Content is basic with only a hint of the author's intent.	Content is basic and undeveloped.
Word Selection, Word Usage	Word choice is exact, colorful, and interesting. Uses sensory details to help the reader see, hear, feel, and/or think.	Word choice is interesting with the use of sensory details.	Vocabulary is basic with a few attempts at improving word choice.	Vocabulary is very basic.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation	No errors and mechanics used as needed to fit with the poetic structure.	Minimal errors in spelling and mechanics used as needed for understanding.	A few errors in spelling and mechanics.	Errors in spelling and mechanics that interfere with reading.
Effort	Work shows an understanding of poetry and reflects the effort to create a special piece of writing.	Developed piece of work that is the result of revising and editing.	Basic piece of writing that shows a need of improvement.	Undeveloped without signs of editing and revision.
Created by http://www.thereadingworkshop.com

Inspired by Poetry

Some of the best poems are often those that are inspired by another poem.  The concept is to take the framework of a poem you like, and then revise it to make it fit you.  Just remember to always give credit to the author by stating, "Inspired by . . ."

The Other Me

Written by Kristine O'Connell George

The other me knows what to wear,

fits in, doesn't stick out,

is one of them.

The other me remembers jokes,

doesn't get teased

by anyone.

The other me doesn't have big feet,

doesn't stumble,

doesn't drop her lunch tray.

So where is she,

this amazing

Other Me?

Reading Workshop students, please take this poem, or another of your favorites and write an "Inspired by" poem.

Image from http://tvtropes.org

What Makes a Good Poem?

Today we will ask the experts.  Students in Reading Workshop, what makes a good poem?  Or, what makes a poem good?  As you looked through poetry books the last two days, what did the best poems have in common?

When you looked through a book, what made you want to keep reading it?  What made you want to put a book back and try another one?  What made the difference between a book that grabbed your attention and gained your interest from a book that bored you?

Image from http://www.dailywaffle.co.uk/2012/09/my-five-favourite-pieces-of-poetry/poetry/

No It's or Is's Allowed in Poetry

Cut out all those words.  This is poetry so you don't need them.  In fact, if the word doesn't do something to clarify meaning, or help make your point, just delete it.

Get rid of all those annoying little words and leave only the ones that matter.  You really don't need all those "it's" and "is's."  Nor do you need those are's and were's. Trim the fat and excess words.  Make your poem meaningful and exciting.

The best thing about poetry is that the author makes the rules.  You can choose whether or not to use capital letters, sentences, and punctuation.  The only rule is write in the best way to make your poem meaningful and understandable.  Just write so your reader relates to your message.

Author's note:  There are divided thoughts about using apostrophes in certain circumstances to show plural.  The general thinking is that it is allowable in a few instances if it helps considerably with making text more easily understood and more readable.

Image from http://penningtonpublishing.com/blog/tag/linking-verbs/

You Need Some "ing" in Your Poetry

Is your poetry alive?  Or does it just lay there squashed and ragged, like a mushy apple smashed on the road?  Maybe it needs a little "ing" put into it.

Good poetry is alive, bringing the reader inside and making him think, or wonder, or laugh, or cry.  And to bring the reader in nothing works better than action verbs.  Thus the need for some "ing."

Screaming, shouting, racing, zinging, glistening, clinging, spinning, howling, catching, hooting, buzzing, violating, falling, sprinting, vaulting, pouncing, scaling, attacking, lunging, foraging, galloping, whipping, creating, gambling, whaling, slashing, wondering, listing, faking, destroying, escaping, dreaming, visualizing, imagining, bouncing, scaping, flailing, editing, revising, writing . . .

Image from http://newtimesfrontier.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/the-ing-factor/

Let's Start With a Little Poetry

Last year students came up with all kinds of ideas about why they couldn't do poetry.  In their minds they were thinking, Poetry is Not Me.  And as they listed these ideas an amazing thing happened--they became poets.

This year, I wonder what we can do with these thoughts??????  Hhhhhmmm, maybe we can use them as poetry starters.  After all, anyone could write a poem about one of these topics:

Poetry is unreasonable
We can't connect
Poetry isn't the ice cream for my milkshake
Poetry is the book with no words
When I ring the door bell, poetry never answers
Poetry is a charging bull (and I am a red cape)
Poetry punches me in the mouth
Poetry is the math that just doesn't add up

Or any one of the many ideas listed at Poetry is Not Me.  Give it a try, Reading Workshop students and see what you can do.

Image from http://www.projectappleseed.org/homework.html

The Pit of Poetry

As we begin to study poetry, take a minute and compare.  Does either poem describe you as a poet?

Are You a Title Champ?

Student blog post titles from Reading Workshop students have been a little on the lame side lately.  What's a teacher to do but have a contest and offer extra credit to the winners?  Hopefully titles in the future will grab the readers' attention.

Students were writing a blog post about their opinion of the main character in the book they are reading.

Great job to title contest winners.  You can visit their blogs at

Megan's Thoughts  with the title What You See Isn't Always What You Get writing about Jazz in Define Normal

Jaili's LA LA Blog with the title Just Another High School Geek writing about Annabelle in Girls Acting Catty

Colten's Country with the title A Courageous Main Character writing about Amy in 39 Clues, One False Note.

So Long Wordpress, Student Blogs are Moving

After using Wordpress to host student blogs for the last four years, Reading Workshop students will be switching to Edublogs.  Wordpress has supplied a great service at no cost.  It is easy for students to use and worked well.  However, there seems to be an increasing amount of ads on blogs when the viewer is not logged in.  As much as I can understand their need to support their service, I would prefer to have ad-free student blogs.

This may cause some inconvenience to those that have spots bookmarked and I apologize for that.  The links on the sidebar under 2012 Student Blogs should be correct.

So long Wordpress.  Here we come Edublogs.

Jupiter Grades

Well, we are really headed for Jupiter starting with the second grading period.  Jupiter Grades is an online program (similar to Engrade, Progress Book, and others) that hosts students' grades and other information so that students, parents, and teachers can access them at any time from anywhere with Internet access.

This is a building-wide move being made to increase access for students and parents to grades and discipline reports.  If you are a parent, you will soon be receiving information to enable you to view your child's grades.

If you have questions, concerns, or comments, please don't hesitate to contact the school office. 

Hey Tacky Blogger

Green pants and an orange shirt today?  Probably not.  So if you take care to not dress tacky, be careful what you do to your blog.

What am I talking about?  Well, most Reading Workshop students are working hard to create the best blog possible.  Their writing is improving daily.  Whatever we do, we don't want to waste that effort.  However, just because you learned how to change the color of words and background, it doesn't mean you should.

Fonts and text colors are part of a theme which is designed to match and look good, without distracting the reader.  When you change background colors or make the background flash, and change text colors be very careful because the next Reading Workshop award might be 

I don't think you want that on your sidebar.  :)

Image from http://www.glnd.k12.va.us/index/ghs/

Reading Workshop Outstanding Student Blogger Award

Do you want to be a STAR?  Do you want recognition as an Outstanding Student Blogger?  Would you like to have an award like this on your blog?

The Reading Workshop

Outstanding Student Blogger Award

To earn this award, students must post often with interesting content that engages the reader.  Posts should be on a variety of topics that draw readers to your blog and keep them coming back.  There should be links to relative web sites and pictures that help illustrate the writer's point. And as always, PUGS (Punctuation, Usage, Grammar, and Spelling) must be correct.

If you want to see some examples, these Reading Workshop students have already earned Outstanding Student Blogger Awards.

Megan's Thoughts     Holden's Home     Kylie's Rocking Blog     Hailey's Paradise   

Will you be next?

Can You Give Students a Helping Hand?

Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, could you spare a few minutes a week to help the students in Reading Workshop?  All you need is Internet access and some type of devise  to post comments (laptop, PC, IPad, smart phone, etc.).  

Students have been working hard on their blogs.  Their writing is getting better, both with content and mechanics.  Although they are beginning to build readership, getting frequent comments motivates them like nothing else.  And here is where you could help.

On the right sidebar, students' blogs are listed with links under 2012 Student Blogs.  They are listed by classes 601-604.  If you would comment on a few blogs, you could help make a difference to a young writer.  Some students get quite a few comments, but some hardly ever get any.  You could let these kids know they have an audience that cares about their blog by posting a short, positive comment on their blog.  

This idea originated from Laura Crosby who has been taking some time to comment on The Reading Workshop student blogs for the last few weeks.  The results have been very positive and students really have felt great reading her remarks about their posts.  

Please take a few minutes and make a student's day.  It doesn't matter if it's someone you know or not.  Believe me, all students appreciate it when someone has something good to say about their writing.

If you have questions about how to get started, just send me an email at  Mr. McGuire.

P.S.  Any student that can get their parent/grandparent to start commenting on blogs will earn extra credit.  :)

Ten Random Acts of Kindness and a Poem

We are beginning to focus on poetry in Reading Workshop.  The best poetry sparks some sort of emotion within the reader.  A good poem should make us laugh or make us cry.  It might surprise us or make us think.  It might open our hearts and connect us with the writer.

As we work towards the craft of becoming writers, and with the hope of opening awareness of others, students have a special assignment.  During the next five days, give to someone else.  The task is ten random acts of kindness.  This can be to a peer, a friend, a relative, or a total stranger.  The point though is to focus on the interaction of the person involved.

On Friday, Reading Workshop students will pick one event, emotion, thought, or idea from the week and share it in a poem.  I am sure with this year's students, there will be some amazing poetry.

Student Bloggers Made My Day

How would you feel if you had seven students that wrote on the weekend?  This wasn't an assignment, and they didn't get extra credit.  This was just students taking pride in their work and writing on their blog.  I can tell you this teacher is proud of the effort!

If you want to check out some good examples of students' blogs, here is a good place to start!

Holden's Home

Jaili's la la Blog

Emily's Extras

Kami's Place

Kirsten's Blog

Kylie's Rockin Blog

Colt's Chat Zone

Reading Workshop Book Talk

Want a fun activity in Reading Workshop where you do a lot of work and don't get any credit and you have to do it on your own time?  If so, maybe you can do a book talk.  The only reward is fame.  This is a book talk on Drive-by written by Lynne Ewing done by former Reading Workshop student, Kennedy.

Fantastic Commenters

After all of the talk about blog comments, I thought I would share a couple of good examples from Reading Workshop students.

On a student's post about the book Chasing the Falconers, Chloe said:

    That book sounds like a book I read. But this one is a little different. I love books that makes me close to falling out of my chair because it has me on the edge on my seat. Don't you? I mean who doesn't? 

     It sounds like to me that the book is one from a series. Is there a series? It sounds pretty exciting and adventurous. How would you describe it?  

     I think you did a really good job on your post. When you get the time please comment back and answer my questions. I might want to read the series because it sounds like a good book.

On a student's post about Manga Comic books, Cole said:

     I think your post is really cool. But you said manga [I think that is a cool book type name] are Japanese based comic books. I just want to know if they are comic books or regular books. How long are the books becuase comic books you can read about 6 in an hour or are they really long?  

     I think your blog is really good. You do a really good job on your blog.

On a post about music, Jaili said:

     WOW!!!!!!!!!! This post is really good! I love to sing too! But anyways your post shows how you love to sing and how you interact with your personality. 

     Most of all no matter what you’ll never give up on it! I have heard you sing and you are really good! Here’s a note NEVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO! 

On The Reading Workshop blog I have seen some excellent comments this year.

Sarah said:

     I am reading The Hunger Games written by Suzanne Collins. I picked this book because all of my friends have read and said they loved the book. So I decided to give it a try.

     Right when I started reading it I was attached. I couldn't believe how good it was. What really dragged me into it was the beginning because I liked when Effie Trinket was picking the names out of the bucket because Katniss's little sister Prim gets chosen to go to the Hunger Games. But Katniss didn't want her sister to get killed. So Katniss steps up and goes to the Hunger Games. 

     That's why I this book is one of the best books I have ever read. So don't fake read, just find a book that you really like!!

And on a post about hard work, Kirsten said:

     It is very important to work hard because if you work hard and take your time, you know that you tried your best, and you made a effort to get a good grade. Sometimes even when you try your hardest you will not get an A but that's okay because you gave it all you got.

     I admit I don't always take my time to do something because I want to hurry up and rush through it. I've worked really hard on projects and work before too. I think it is so important to check over your work because it does make a difference to go over all the questions.

As the writer for The Reading Workshop blog, I appreciate it when someone takes the time to comment. Every student wants comments for their blog too. What makes it even better is when the comment is well thought out, well written, and meaningful. Thanks to all of the Reading Workshop students for making an effort to write excellent comments.  Keep up the good work and maybe you can get a Fantastic Commenter badge on your blog!

Have You Checked Your Homophones Lately?

Is your writing more like 1 or 2?

1.  Due ewe no you're homophones?  Win u our threw righting, due yew no if there write?.  

or

2.  Do you know your homophones?  When you are through writing, do you know if they're right?

Reading Workshop students, please give your readers a break.  Check your homophones and get it right!

For more information see Your Homophone is Out of Order.

Thanks to Gineriella for allowing this edited version of her video to be used in the classroom.

Caps Cause We Care

This is being reposted from Megan's Thoughts. 

 Hello again, its Megan! I just wanted to remind everyone that Friday, October 13th  Saltcreek Intermediate School  is going to have a hat day!

All you have to do is bring in 25 cents or more to wear your hat all day long! All the money that student council raises is going toward a special girl in the sixth grade who has leukemia. We will donate the money toward whatever her family needs, to help her get better.

Just remember to bring in a hat and a quarter to help her. Your classes student council representative will collect the money in each class. Thank you for reading!

This is a great cause so please bring in money on Friday to help the Student Council help one of our students and her family.